Ashes like Snow
by naboru narluin
Summary: After a hard battle, a gloomy Sunstreaker didn't lighten the mood with a surprisingly intimate story. / Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Autobot ensemble / death themes, dark, angst / 28 Sunstreakers Meme: Angsty, seperat fic because it's not part of the Möbius AU


**Title:** Ashes like Snow  
><strong>Continuity:<strong> G1  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> death themes, dark, angst  
><strong>Characters:<strong> Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Autobot ensemble  
><strong>Prompt:<strong> Angsty  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Summary:<strong> After a hard battle, a gloomy Sunstreaker didn't lighten the mood with a surprisingly intimate story.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Sadly, I own nothing.  
><strong>Beta:<strong> **ultharkitty**, thank you so much! :D

**Note:** Written for the _28 Sunstreaker meme_.  
>Old fic eventually posted. Thanks to ultharkitty for giving it a second look. *glomps*<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Ashes like Snow<strong>

"We should pack up and leave this planet!" Huffer said. His voice was shrill, and not at all pleasant to overcharged audio receptors.

A small group of Autobots sat in the rec room, dulling their memories with high grade energon and trying to forget about the day's events.

Again, the Decepticons had attempted to rob Earth's energy sources with one of their weird weapons, of which, by now, even Wheeljack was a little jealous. Now they made light of it, somehow, but it hadn't gone well for the Autobots. A few mechs still lay in the medbay and Ratchet had joined the group just a few klicks ago, looking entirely worn out.

"What responsibility do we even have here? As far as I know, there's none!" Huffer continued to sulk, causing more than one 'bot to sigh in annoyance.

"I know I'm not alone with my opinion. We should…" He didn't have the chance to finish the sentence.

"Ah! Shut up already! Your bitching's making energon come out of my audios!" It was Sunstreaker, who eventually couldn't stand it anymore, his word slurring with overcharge. "And your looks hurt my optics, too," he muttered, but only Sideswipe could hear it, letting him chuckling amusedly.

Huffer felt silent, and the only things that could be heard were the other bots' quite chatter - at least for two klicks before he spoke again: "Why don't we just use the space bridge?" he suggested. "The worst place on Cybertron is better than the best place on Earth!"

Hound flinched at the words, but didn't say anything to defend the planet he had grown so fond of.

"This planet is like the pit!" Huffer spat. "It's…" Again he was interrupted, and again it was by Sunstreaker, though this time louder and angrier.

"SHUT. UP!" The yellow warrior glared at Huffer, making the minibot and Sideswipe feel uneasy. Though, the latter only because of the sudden feeling that his bother was about to do something stupid.

However, Sunstreaker just stared for a moment, then shook his head and emptied his cube.

"You have no idea about the pit, so shut up!" He grasped another energon cube – Sideswipe's this time - sounding oddly weary. "Compared to the pit, this planet is… Well, not like Cybertron, but not like the pit… not at all."

The 'bots nearby, who had heard him, exchanged curious looks, grinning, bemused.

Sunstreaker didn't seem to notice, unlike Sideswipe, who shifted anxiously on the couch beside him.

"Come on, Sunny. You've had enough for today." He tried to relieve Sunstreaker of his energon cube, but his brother shook him off.

"I know when I have enough!" he grumbled, but the fuzziness of his words made it very clear that he didn't. "I still could stand, well, if I did, but I don't, but if I did, I could and as long I can stand, I can decide for myself!" He rammed his elbow into Sideswipe's side with more force than he intended, which made his brother gasp.

Sunstreaker didn't apologise. Instead he directed his attention again to Huffer glaring censoriously at the minibot. "You little glitch! You grouch and bitch as if you know, but you know what? You don't even have a reason! And you know nothing!"

He took a sip of his energon, optics narrowed and looking at the table, before he continued, nearly spitting out the words: "You wanna know about the _pit_?"

Within seconds something changed. The bemused looks faded away into uncertainty and the atmosphere in the rec room became as thick as motor oil, sinking into every seam and gap.

A faint panic washed over Sideswipe's face, caught only by those who looked closely.

Sunstreaker frowned, as though he was trying to focus on a pale memory.

"It's like… death. Everywhere. Around you, _inside_ you, but you're still alive, sort of. An astrosecond feels like an eternity, but there is no time, because there is no life and… Everything around you falls to pieces… And it's loud. I don't know what place it was, it could have been anywhere, but around you, everything dies and you can't shut down your optics. You have to move through all of it. You don't want to, but you have to." His optics were fixed on the table, but looking through it to somewhere far away. "And there was… wind?" He asked, more to himself, not sure how to express it. "Or something. Like a gale that tries to stop you from walking. But despite the storm, the ashes falls down slowly like… snow. You want to hide and see nothing but you can't, you mustn't! You mustn't stop _moving_… because…" He suddenly stopped, still staring at the table, leaving the other 'bots with a tension as if Unicron himself was looming over them.

"Hey, Sunny. I think, you really had enough…" Breaking the silence, Sideswipe raised an arm to take Sunstreaker's cube, but at the first touch, the yellow twin trembled violently. The jerk was so hard, the energon spilled over the edge and onto Sunstreaker's frame, waking him up from his daze.

"Argh. Slag!" Looking down on that mess, he muttered something unintelligible, and the shivering didn't stop. Red system warnings popped up in Sunstreaker's HUD. He rebooted his optics twice, but he still couldn't focus them.

Before Sideswipe or any other mech could react, Ratchet stood up, heaving air through his vents in an annoyed huff. Sunstreaker's custom fuel injection engine was helpful on the road, but it in root mode it spread the energon through his system too quickly, leading to high grade poisoning.

"Sideswipe's right. As if you don't know, you can't take much high grade!" He crossed the room and towered in front of Sunstreaker, the movement broke through the tense atmosphere which had built up.

Forcefully, Ratchet grabbed Sunstreaker's arm, and, although the yellow 'bot had claimed that he could still stand, he staggered when the medic dragged him to his feet. Supporting him, Ratchet helped the muttering frontliner out of the room to the medbay to run a system check, and if he hadn't _known_, every so often he would have sent the twins to the pit all by himself.

"Well, he'll have a bad processor ache when he wakes up." Jazz mused, already knowing the procedure like any other mech, though for their health's sake no one would ever mention anything about Sunstreaker's high grade intolerance in front of him.

"And a heavy blackout." Sideswipe sighed. "Great, you don't have to deal with him tomorrow…" He honestly wasn't looking forward to this.

Slowly, the room filled with mumbling chatter again, leaving nothing of the former tension.

* * *

><p>"Let me through!" Sideswipe yelled, pushing the other 'bots aside, kicking after them as they tried to catch him again. Seething with anger, he entered the medbay. He knew they attempted to hide Sunstreaker's serious damage from him, because of the given reaction. And of course he had expected something bad, but when he saw his brother on the berth, chest open and linked to devices he didn't even know the function of, he was stunned.<p>

Ratchet leaned over him, an expression of concentration on his face. "What do you want in here?"

It took Sideswipe about six astroseconds to gather his composure again, then he spoke: "He's my brother; I have the right to know! What the pit happened?" He felt his spark ache and ignored it. Rushing to the berth, Ratchet looked up, seemingly tempted to throw him out of the medbay, but stayed silent and only shook his head.

The open chest exposed the yellow warrior's spark, or what was left of it. The faint, blue glow became smaller with every moment, and the devices which hummed, beeped and whirred, were working faster or slower, and Sideswipe didn't understand what they were doing, but he understood what it meant.

Sideswipe shoved Ratchet away, and grabbed Sunstreaker's shoulders, shaking him hard. "You fraggin' glitch! If you dare go offline, I'll paint your dead body pink and sell it as spare parts to the 'cons!" His own spark reacted to the vanishing other half with even more pain as both halves tried to synchronise.

Ratchet cursed. He should have thrown him out when he had the chance. "Your yelling doesn't make it any better! Now go, so that I can do my work here! You…" He stopped as the devices did as well and fell silent for a mere astrosecond, leaving the room soundless, besides the steady hum of the base.

And then something happened for what the medic had no explanation for. The exponential decrease of the spark reversed, and the near offline systems stabilised and booted up again. He frowned, irritated, as he didn't understand. Perhaps that was a twin thing, and for once Ratchet was glad about the bothers' stubbornness.

Sideswipe didn't notice any of it. He just felt a surge of pain, which nearly made him collapse, and for a moment his view became blurry. The next thing he became aware of was the whirring of Sunstreaker's vents.

Sunstreaker's systems rebooted much too fast for his weakened spark and body. He onlined his optics with a snap, gasping through his intakes, and looking up in horror. He grabbed Sideswipe's upper arms so hard he dented the red armour plating. Panting, he stared at his brother, who just stared back and the first relief was changed and now reflected the expression of fear and terror of his twin.

And at this moment, Sideswipe _knew_.

* * *

><p>It was Bluestreak who jolted Sideswipe out of his thoughts as he spoke.<p>

"Ashes like snow…" He mumbled, unusually calm and leisurely. "Well, I don't know if there's something like the pit, but should it exist, I guess we all have a fifty-fifty chance of getting there… Honestly, I have no interest in seeing anything like that again." Everyone knew what he was talking about, and it was the first time he ever spoke about the day Praxus fell. Surprisingly, in spite of his serious words, he was smiling. "I think, that's a good reason to do everything I can to stay alive another few million years."

Sideswipe smirked in silent agreement. This was exactly what he and Sunstreaker were trying to do.

They would go to the pit, and no good effort could ever change that and undo the sins already committed.

But on their way down, they would take as many Decepticons with them as possible.


End file.
